Who Wants to be in the Poorhouse?

Thats right ladies and gentlemen - Ketchup Chips is starting my own game show - Who Wants to Be in The Poorhouse!! In this fast paced game, contestants have to guess only one fact that corresponds to another fact - and the winner - and all his children and neighbors - are guaranteed a spot in the Poorhouse for the rest of their lives. It's educational, it's fun and it's downright exciting in a Russian Roulette kind of way. Are we ready to play? Of course you are!!!!!!!!!

Here's the first fact - the ten cities below have the largest percentage of their population living UNDER the poverty line in America:

1. Detroit , MI 32.5%

2 Buffalo , NY 29.9%
3. Cincinnati , OH 27.8%
4. Cleveland , OH 27.0%
5. Miami , FL 26.9%
6. St. Louis , MO 26.8%
7. El Paso , TX 26.4%
8. Milwaukee , WI 26.2%
9. Philadelphia , PA 25.1%
10. Newark , NJ 24.2%

And now - here is the question - for all the marbles - what is the one single fact that all of these diverse, geographically dispersed, multi-racial cities have in common? You can do it - c'mon, put that thinking cap on.

YOU GOT IT!!! Congratulations - the answer is they all have elected Democrat mayors and city councils for at least the last 30 or so years! You win a spot in the Poorhouse!!!!!!!!!!

Detroit, MI (1st on the poverty rate list) hasn't elected a Republican mayor since 1961.

Buffalo, NY (2nd) hasn't elected a Republican mayor since 1954.

Cincinnati, OH (3rd) hasn't elected a Republican mayor since 1984.

Cleveland, OH (4th) hasn't elected a Republican mayor since 1989.

Miami, FL (5th) has NEVER had a Republican mayor.

St. Louis, MO (6th) hasn't elected a Republican mayor since 1949.

El Paso, TX (7th) has NEVER had a Republican mayor.

Milwaukee, WI (8th) hasn't elected a Republican mayor since 1908.
 

Philadelphia, PA (9th) hasn't elected a Republican mayor since 1952.

Newark, NJ (10th) hasn't elected a Republican mayor since 1907.

So there you have it - the first round is complete, and we already have a winner that looks an awful lot like a loser. Tune in again next week when we tee up the next contestant on "Who Wants to Be in the Poorhouse!"

Pearls of Wisdom

 

I've long been a fan of trivia - of which some have said "trivia is to knowledge as weeds are to flowers". I'm not sure I agree, weed is pretty popular (grin!)

Plato said (well, he reiterated it, he wasn't the first to say it) in order for something to be considered knowledge, is must be justified (testable), true and believed. So according to Plato, trivia is not knowledge. He must be a weed guy. My point is that trivia represents a methodology for obtaining and storing knowledge that everyone can identify with - and believe in.

Let's talk about Pearls.

Why are pearls valuable? Up until a 150 years or so ago, they were a random, rare freak of nature that required risking one's life repeatedly to obtain. So valuable were natural pearls that the jeweler Cartier purchased the Fifth Avenue mansion that is now the New York Cartier store for US$100 cash and a double strand of matched natural pearls valued at the time (1917) at US$1 million.

The twelve "Pearly" gates of New Jerusalem are said to be each made of a single pearl. In the Book Revelations 21:21, "And the twelve gates were twelve pearls; every gate was of one pearl: and the streets of the city were pure gold, as if transparent glass..."

There is a special vocabulary used to describe the length of pearl necklaces. While most other necklaces are simply referred to by their physical measurement, pearl necklaces are named by how low they hang when worn around the neck of a woman.

A pearl collar, measuring 10 to 13 inches in length, sits directly against the throat and does not hang down the neck at all; it can be multiple strands.

Pearl chokers, measuring 14 to 16 inches in length, nestle just at the base of the neck.

A strand called a princess length, measuring 17 to 19 inches in length, comes down to or just below the collarbone.

A matinee length, measuring 20 to 24 inches in length, falls just above the breasts.

An opera length, measuring 28 to 35 inches in length, will be long enough to reach the breastbone or sternum of the wearer; and longer still, a pearl rope, measuring more than 45 inches in length, is any length that falls down farther than an opera length.

So there you have it - a bit of trivia, and perhaps some knowledge thrown in for good measure.

But remember - it's not what you know, it's how you got to know it!

The 5 signs of an Impending Business Apocalypse

KC has spent much of his adult life in business. At large firms, some with 10's of thousands of employees. He has been a consultant, an entrepreneur (Yes, I did build it, and you can't have any of it for your low life friends Mr. President) and a paid slave. Big firms, small firms, national, local and international - KC has seen it all. And he took notes.

So for all of you out there that are just starting in business, let KC give you some pithy obeservations so you too can recognize when your employer is starting the big swirling circle around the porcelain bowl of business.

I present to you - the 5 signs of Impending Business Apocalypse - in their order of occurrence.

1. Everything is the single most important thing we can do.

You know a company has started the journey to Flushville when the management cannot articulate what are the goals of the company. More frighteningly - because they can't articulate the goals, they say EVERYTHING is the goal. Raise revenue, cut costs, expand, contract, focus, broaden, more customers, fire customers, stop projects, start projects. Everything is the single most important thing we can do - and we have to do it all NOW.

2. Enforce the Rules

Now, as I said, these occur in order. Once management sees the non-results of their ill-sown strategy of "Pursue Everything and Nothing At the Same Time" they then reach the conclusion that it isn't leadership, and it isn't the strategy that is failing the company, it is the people. And people are bad. So in order to get the people in line, we're going to enforce the rules. 15 minutes extra for lunch? That's gonna cost ya. Paid vacations? How bout not. Remove benefits, slash compensation, change the rules. KC once had a boss tell him that commissions "irrespective of performance, were discretionary". Huh? You paying me what you bargained for is "discretionary"? The worst part of this impending sign is that the employees haven't done anything wrong. Yet. But enforcing the rules at this time ensures the good ones leave, and the bad ones stay. And oh, do they stay with a vengeance. Which leads us to tenet #3.

3. Employees Get Payback

Without trust, management is worthless. Think of the fragging incidents in Vietman. Ok, Lieutenant Dan, you want to be a wise guy eh? How bout we roll an M67 under your bunk. Problem solved (actually I think they used MKIIs in Nam - but point made) . Now, employees today don't come heavily armed (well, except for the post office) but they can do just as much damage. Extra long lunch hours, moonlighting, half cooked project delivery, re-work, no-work. Best story I ever heard regarding an employee fragging incident came from a friend of mine that was a comptroller at a large convenience store chain. Every Christmas, the chain leaned on it's suppliers and offered their long term, full timers a bottle of liquor for Christmas. One bean counter decided that the 20,000 bottle bonus (most of which was comped by a supplier anyways) cost the company too much, so three weeks before xmas they cancelled it. You guessed it. Total incremental bottle pilferage over the season amount to 50,000 bottles. Hold spoon, pull pin, assess cover, lob weapon. Sorry, Lt. Dan.

4. Cats Sleeping with Dogs

Again - these are situations and generalitites KC has seen over many years of business, but he holds these truths to be self evident. Once the E-ticket swirly ride has begun, people do some strange things. Trapped on a ride they can't get off of, they hold on for dear life - and hold on to each other. And I mean literally. Affairs, trysts, indiscretions and misogyny abound, and not the normal 20 something activity on the weekeds from the mail room staff - I mean full on, scratch your head what were they thinking escapades. CEO doing the Fed Ex delivery guy? Seen it. Head of HR in a lesbian affair with the married head of IT? Yup. Call center supervisors having late night orgies in a break room. Got pictures. The shocking thing about #4 is not that it is happening, because we're all humans, but the depravity of how it happens. The end is near. Read on.

5. Physical or Verbal Violence in the Workplace

By now, all the good people are gone. If you are still there, you aren't one of the good ones - or you are the most masochistic of employees! You are just waiting for the "Andy Barnard" moment. Someone is going to snap, and you know it. This is the culmination - the pinnacle of corporate underachievement, and like a storm brewing, you can feel it coming. You can taste it in the air and your can feel it on your skin. Someone is going to pop someone. This is going to be good.

One note though - the incident is never triggered by what you think (someone getting a bad review, or someone firing someone) it is always petty. Ed takes last of coffee and doesn't make any more. BAM!
Sally calls Louise a whore becuase she used a lot of lipstick. WHACK! You took my favorite parking spot in the otherwise empty parking lot. HYAAH.

This is the end, and the business can never be repaired, these incidents are the symbolic flames that burn up everything and leave nothing but ashes. It's over, and mercifully so. At this point even the worst employees leave, and even the doltish of management throw in the towel.


Requiem.

There you are. Cold in it's reality, stark in it's application. Nobody's fault - employees, management, investors, and suppliers all go down together on the SS Swirly, everybody is a loser. Save yourself. Your only hope is to recognize the signs and get out early.

I'd love to hear your stories to add to mine. Got any more signs of the apocalypse. Please share, for the good of all mankind

Democratic party spin on job creation

In listening to the Obama spin doctors tell me that the rise in unemployment from 8.2% to 8.3% is "good news" I thought that I would help out by proposing my own round of job stimulus ideas to assist the Dimocratic party:

• Free education. As much as anyone wants. The world can't have too many Ph.D.'s in “Multicultural Interpretive Puppetry Arts!”
•  Full employment. Everyone gets a job. A government job. With a union. That way, "work" won't require...you know, actual "WORK."
• Raise the minimum wage to $250 an hour. That way, EVERYBODY can be rich. Yay, us!
• Reduce the workweek. 40 hours a week is just too much. Mondays? Ugh. People shouldn't have to get up that early. Try 22 hours. After all, daytime TV won’t watch itself!
• Reduce the retirement age. France is proposing 60 years as the cutoff. In Greece, the average is 57. They suck. We are Americans. We can do better. Reduce it to 29.
• Kiss-a-thons at Chik-Fil-A count as work towards your welfare entitlement
• Reparation payments for people that were forced, over the course of their lifetimes to work for "the man."
• Tax dead people. Exemptions will be granted for dead people that vote Dumocrat.

Airplane Travels - Flying the Friendly Skys

Given that my last diatribe garnered so many comments I thought that I might continue with some more "observations" on the subject. I hesitate somewhat, because the most derided subject in the world for most comedians is the subject of airline travel, so I beg pardon from my gentle readers, with an excuse on two fronts. Firstly, I am an observer of the human spirit and my observations take place over several decades and across many cultures. I'm not going to comment on the Boston to Vegas run. You've all done that and have your own observations. Secondly, I believe that I am somewhat of an authority on the subject having flown nearly one million miles in my business career alone. I've done a lot of other flying (falling with style?) but that is fodder for another mill at another time perhaps. In no order of importance I give you - Flying the Friendly skies.

• Mileage Clubs - how is it that if I accumulate miles, the airlines can tell me that they expire, that there are blackouts and that I can't travel with more than two people, and that I can't sit where I want to sit on the airplane? If I pay top dollar for a Omaha to Chicago run because I booked late, my 300 points is the same as the old lady next to me who paid 1/3 the price because she has the luxury of booking 6 months ahead of time? Then when I redeem, they pull all the blackout and choice seat crap on me?

• People, people, people - I know that you want to be comfortable when flying, but here are a few tips that might help you out as much as they will me. First - bathe. You know you want to do it. Next Orifice cleaning. Please don't do that on the airplane. Resist with all your might the urge to poke, insert, ream, wipe, grind, scratch, rub and lick the various orifices on your body. As a libertarian, I respect your right to do so, but please, not in front of the children. And here is a bonus tip - whatever you pull from said orifices, do not examine, wad up in your fingers and throw into the aisle. KC is serious on this one.

• In terms of clothing, I need to put this in reference terms. I was in Vegas recently. At an uber posh hotel. I was in a suit. A nice one. I was working. After observing the GUMS (Great Unwashed Masses) for awhile, I noted to a colleague that Vegas has lost some of it's charm after I observed a grandmother in a bikini dragging both her breasts and a cooler behind her through the casino, holding a lit cigarette in her mouth and a bottle of Bud in one hand. And she had tattoos. Lots of them. The segue to airline travel is this. You may think you are "all laid back" and "being a precious individual" and all, but I do not. In fact WE, do not. Cover yourself up, act your age and dress like you matter. Because if you don't, the rest of us see you as a visual eye-sore. Sorry to be harsh, but please, please, please, get a mirror.

• Kids on airlplanes. There, I said it. Think of an airplane as a torture chamber in Libya. Most of us don't want to be there, and are desperately trying to figure out how to escape or control our minds for the next three hours so that we don't crack. You child screaming "I want gum" or just plain screaming is akin to CIA water-boarding and is less pleasant. How does your spawn get through a day of school without riding the short bus if they can't sit in a chair and watch movies for 3 hours? If the child is screaming - it is your fault. I don't blame them, and pity you. I blame you, and pity me! Invest in duct tape or Dimetap, each works equally well.

• Drunk guy. I know the drinks are free in first class, and I know that you feel like you are sticking it to the man by getting as many as you can in three hours, and heck, I like my JD as well, but you don't hear me saying to the attendant "heavy on the vodka baby!" or randomly yelling "that's what I'm talking about" as you imbibe. And lastly, the little red stirring device in the cup is not a straw. For the love of god it is a stir stick. That's why it is so small you see. Please do not try and suck your martini through that little hole. It won't work, and you look stupid doing it. Sheesh.

Well, those are a few of my pet peeves. I could go on. Actually, I could go on and on and on. But I won't. You see, when travelling, discretion is often the better part of both valor and comfort.

For all of us.

Guitars, Cadillacs and Government Interference

So when the Obummer government wanted to crush the spirit of American business, ruin a key and historic industry for America and ensure hundreds if not thousands of Americans lose their jobs and become government dependees, they attacked Gibson guitars for their use of "endangered" wood - despite the fact that Gibson had complied with all laws in the US, and all laws overseas. Other guitar firms that weren't managed by prominent Republican CEOs, of course, were not targetted by the fleets of armed soldiers the government sent into Gibson to terrorize their workforce and purloin all of their working materials.


The government insists that business - even in matters of health care, cannot be trusted to do the right thing by their market, country and customers and must be forced, at the point of a gun if required, to comply with mandates that bureaucrats in Washington - yes the same ones that made all the GREAT decisions over at GSA, the ones we know we can trust with our money, have come up with.


But I digress.


But what if a business, a progressive, market attuned and smart business, interested in doing the right thing was to be left alone to solve a problem? According to the government office of Compliance and Thuggery, such businesses don't exist, and if they did, they surely would only be motivated by short term profits at the expense of their customers, their country and all natural resources? Is this true?

I give you Taylor Guitars.


Taylor recently acquired an ebony weood mill in Cameroon. Black ebony is a prized material for guitar fretboards. It's also on the verge of extinction.


Was this a hedge against diminishing worldwide supplies of ebony? Was it an effort to stabilize prices, or was the move was more about thoughtfully introducing sustainability into the supply chain? Surely no greedy business would THINK through the supply situation and get involved unless the government MADE them do it?

Perhaps not.


Alarmed by the diminishing supply of this wood, Taylor visited ebony loggers in Cameroon -- the last legal ebony harvesting site in the world. What they saw there defied business sense and common logic. Since the harvesters were unable to see whether an ebony tree would produce rich black wood, or an 'inferior' striated variety unless they first cut down the tree, they cut down 10 trees just to find the one "good one". And the nine trees that had been needlessly felled were left to rot.




Taylor realized that the striated ebony wood made acoustically and ergonomically perfect fretboards, amongst other guitar parts. In fact, Taylor had been using striated ebony for guitars since the company started -- initially as a cost-saving measure. Now, if other leading guitar brands could be convinced to use this wood, the ebony shortage would suddenly disappear, guitar builders would have ten times the supply and the Cameroons could sell 10 times as much wood.


Prior to the Cameroon acquistion, Taylor guitars had contemplated feedback from consumers recommending the company support tree replanting programs in areas stripped of ebony. It was a simple solution that would, in theory, provide a sustainable supply of the prized wood. It would also make for a wonderful corporate sustainability story.

In reality, however, the idea was less than ideal.

Bob Taylor said, "In places like Cameroon, it's not possible to do anything without a bribe. Planting trees in situations like this would simply fuel illegal harvesting, and do nothing to make the wood supply more sustainable." Taylor came to understand the solution was more complex. With the company's purchase of the mill, the full extent of that complexity was revealed.

"We quickly grasped there were fundamental issues that needed to be addressed -- contradictory laws and lumber accounting systems, for example" says Taylor. "We had to start by helping fix the system, demonstrating by example that doing business honestly -- taxing us and auditing us -- was in the government's best interest." Taylor is quick to point out that his company's approach has, of necessity, been methodical rather than splashy. "We aren't planting trees yet. We're working first to stop the illegal harvest, and get a better understanding of how many trees there actually are. Our focus is ensuring the harvest is legal, and then sustainable. It's a long-term strategy that might not make a great sound bite. But ultimately, it will help us save our own industry and the ebony species in Cameroon."

Taylor Guitars understands that looking at and understanding whole systems is key to creating successful, sustainable innovation, instead of "fake"solutions that make Western consumers feel good but do nothing to correct underlying problems. And this point is underscored when government bodies, with even less knowledge, with suspect motives and no accountability to anyone interfere with free market forces and , at the point of a gun, make companies behave the way they want them to.

It is bad business, bad poltics and bad ethics. While Taylor is succeeding because they were left alone, Gibson is still trying to get their ebony back from our government.

When will we learn?

Justice Department wants the facts. Their way.

So the justice department gets pissed off at Texas (the Great State Of) because Texas has the audacity (not of hope, but of reality) to seek to remove fraudulent, dead, illegal and duplicate voters from the voter rolls. You know, Democrats.

Anyhoo -

So the Justice Department hires (actually a no-bid contract, so anoints is closer to the truth) a data firm to ensure that the people being removed from the rolls are being purged fairly and accurately. As always, an Eric Holder justice department is the justice department of the people, and not the justice department of the Democratic party. Right. (okay - play along, I can't make this seem all dramatic if you keep reading ahead!)
Let's take a look at the unbiased, politically neutral, no axe to grind, independent, academic, scientific, pure, wholesome and honest folks over at "Catalist", the chosen firm of the Democr.... I mean justice department.


Client Listing:

Democratic Congressional Campaign Committee

Democratic Governors Association

Democratic Legislative Campaign Committee

Democratic Senatorial Campaign Committee

Democrats.com

Texas Democratic Trust

Vermont Democratic Party

Obama for America

Maine Democratic Party

Arizona Democratic Party

Surely that is just an error, and there is a Republican or two in there? Nope.


Surely that is just an error, and at least there is a conservative or two in there? Nope.
.

I'm sure their mission statement clarifies this whole big misunderstanding and outlines the depth to which they will pursue data excellence and impartiality?
.

To provide progressive organizations with the data and services needed to better identify, understand, and communicate with the people they need to persuade and mobilize.
.

Crap, struck out again. Well let's look at the owners, the founders of a great and noble business, retained by our justice department to provide, well, you know, justice.

Laura Quinn is a founder of Catalist, and has led the company since inception in 2006. Ms. Quinn has an extensive background in communications, technology and data innovation. She is a founding partner of QRS Newmedia, Inc. started in 1996, which specializes in communication technology design and integration services. QRS clients have included the DNC and every Democratic Presidential campaign from 1996 through 2008; a wide of range of progressive organizations and non-profits; and other corporate and academic institutions.

Patricia Bauman is President of the Bauman Foundation. In recent years, the Foundation has supported civic participation through general support of organizations engaged in voter registration and outreach and election protection. She has also led policy efforts to foster public access to government information. She is also a real estate investor, and is active as a donor to Democratic candidates.

Well, dang it, it seems like fairness can't get a fair shake around here can it? Justice may be blind, but she certainly knows when to take a peek from beneath her blindfold for Democrat causes doesn't she?

Is there a trophy awarded to the trophy shop with the best trophies?

Okay, Menopausal Mother http://bloggers.com/blog/menopausalmother-50645 awarded this award to me, after it was awarded to her. It is either hot to the touch, tracked by the FBI or sticky. Why else would she pass it along so quickly? Anyhoo, so here is the deal, in return for 3 lines of HTML code that I am supposed to have tattooed on my neck, or put on my blog (I can't remember which) I am supposed to share with you, gentle readers, my deepest,darkest and most intimate secrets.

I will attempt to mix 70% lies with 20% liquor and 10% truth to seduce you, I mean entertain you with my responses:

7 QUESTIONS (Presumably with 7 answers?)

1. What is your favorite song?
     The white trash Frankenstein anthem "Sweet Home Alabama". Playing that song in the south makes everyone within hearing distance air guitar. Even grandma.

2. What is your favorite dessert?
     I don't have a favorite dessert. I do have a favorite desert. Atacama in Chile. It's chilly up in Chile.

3. What do you do when you're upset?
    
Balance my checkbook.
4. 
What is your favorite pet?

    Miss September, 1970. She was awesome.

    5. Which do you prefer, white or whole wheat?

I believe every bread should be judged by the content of the their character and not by the color of their crust. I have a dream that one day little foccaccias and pumpernickels will be seen as equals.

    6. What is your biggest fear?
   
  Obama - the Vagina Monologues

7. What is your attitude mostly?

     About 50% of the time I am vertical, and about 25% of the time horizontal. At other times, depending on factors such as pitch, yaw and roll, I could be anything from inverted to a lawn dart.

(10) RANDOM FACTS ABOUT ME

1. I have 10 fingers and 10 toes distributed across 4 appendages.
2. When frightened I shoot quills in all directions
3. My first car was so slow that it couldn't break the speed of smell
4. I know that a pair of flight headphones ACCIDENTALLY left on the tarmac will destroy an F404-GE engine. Just sayin'. I had nothing to do with it.
5. I once put glow in the dark paint on my eyelids so I could see in the dark. It DOES NOT work.
6. My family has no ethnicity at all, and the most exotic food we can come up with is pancakes.
7. I used to live in the Caribbean for several years.
8. I have been both blessed and cursed by religious leaders from 4 major faiths.
9. I do not have the ability to count to 10!


THE (7) BLOGGERS I GRANT THE KREATIVE BLOGGER AWARD TO ARE:
http://www.lustyfashion.com/jessica-simpson-fashion-sheath-dresses/

http://bloggers.com/blog/top-10-lists-top-ten-lists-top10hm-com-53869

http://forexsignalsguru.com/

http://thatsdway.blogspot.com/2012/06/my-take-time-silkygirl-gloss-on.html

http://www.declarationentertainment.com/blogs/bill-whittle

http://www.blogtoplist.com/rss/toothpaste.html

http://ronnas.blogspot.com/2012/05/tv-dinners.html

Random Rant About Nothing Political

After another 8 thousand miles in planes this week I've earned a chance to blow off some digitial steam. If some of my accusations hit a little too close to home for some of you - tough turds. Here's my random kvetching of the week. In no apparent order.

1. If you are sitting at a $20,000 boardroom table, FFS use a GD coaster for your double half caf skinny latte frappucino you prissy hillbilly. Sheesh.

2. If you are a flight attendant (sky waitress!) here's a tip. No amount of you screaming "WILL ALL PASSENGERS TAKE YOUR SEATS SO WE CAN LEAVE?" over the PA will actually help the 85 year old lady get her bag into an already full overhead. If you want people to move faster, help her out so I don't have to. Grrrr.


3. I don't care about your Facebook status, your pet's flatulence or the weird growth you noticed behind your ear. Jeezub Jumped up Joseph, can we please just chat about the weather? Or I'm going to do the deaf routine again.

4. If I catch one more of you rubes taking off your shoes and socks on the plane, I'm going to steal them and flush them down the freakin' toilet so you can walk out barefoot. I'm warnin' ya here - I mean business.

5. Please don't describe your role in your company using any of the following words: architect, guru, honcho, strategist, visionary or (and I swear this is true) Chief Experience Officer. If you do, I'm going to pass your business card out to every cop I meet and say you molested me. And your flatulent cat.

6. When sizing market opportunities - learn to add, and if you want to go to the head of the class, learn to muliply. For the love of all that is holy. I actually listened to someone say that moving from 3000 sales per year to 6000 sales per year is a 200% increase. Double - get it? And this was a consultant!

7. My name is simple. It has only 6 letters. There are only two known ways in the universe to spell it unless you include Klingon. I've worked with you for 5 freaking years, and between us we have done almost $50 million in business. Could you at least spell it right in the agenda as I am your largest customer? I'm not being vain, I'm just trying to eliminate your team sending me emails that never get to me because you insist on spelling my relatively simple name wrong.


8. If you feel the need to eat on the airplane - god bless - and chow down. But could you please refrain from bringing a whole pizza on and then asking me to hold it while you hone the edge of your spork in anticipation of slaughtering it? I bring a pill bottle of peanuts as a snack. That's it.



9. Seat guy. Reclining seat guy. I'm talking to you. I don't care that you recline your seat and encroach on the 5 inches of space I have, I wasn't using all that oxygen anyways. But as a personal favor to me, could you not recline your seat back at a speed that would test relativity? I mean if you are having a grand mal seizure I get it, but throwing your whole body backwards so hard that for a moment the plane slows down is a little much. It's like making love, slow and gentle usually gets the job done. Unless you are inseminating a boar. Sheesh.

I could go on (tip of the hat to Dennis Miller!) but I feel somewhat cleansed.

And to the nice lady today that invited me up to her home in Anchorage, that was super nice of you, and super cool. I just hope your cat gets better. Maybe feed him less salmon?

How to get a free cell phone from the government!

I feel like Ed McMahon sometimes when I read things - "I did not know that!" I'll bet that you don't know this either. You know the "Universal Service Fund" Fee on your cell phone every month? Probably not, I had seen it, but I didn't pay much attention to it. I pay $1.97 every month, so let's round up and call it $24 per year. I pay for 4 phones in my house (yay! Kids eat free!) so let's just say I pay $100 per year. After tax mind you, so it took $150 of my sweat to get the $100. But I digress.

What is this fund for? Let's check out the official gov't explanation:

The USF helps to make phone service affordable and available to all Americans, including consumers with low incomes, those living in areas where the costs of providing telephone service is high, schools and libraries and rural health care providers. Congress has mandated that all telephone companies providing interstate service must contribute to the USF. Although not required to do so by the government, many carriers choose to pass their contribution costs on to their customers in the form of a line item, often called the “Federal Universal Service Fee” or “Universal Connectivity Fee”.

Seems noble enough - but surely the government wouldn't allow people to ABUSE the free phones would they. I mean, since 2008 when a new President got in and all, and the economy went south - surely the President, who is fond of pointing at "loopholes" that benefit the "rich" (like you and me, say the mortgage interest deduction) has made sure that things have been tightened up right?

Let's take a look?

Well that is just awesome - the user base has doubled in the 4 years since Obama took office, and the cost to us has essentially doubled. Investigations by the media - not the gov't - has revealed massive fraud, people with 9 free phones and other abuses that are too horrid to contemplate - such as cushy "provider" deals to cell suppliers that make the right kind of "contributions".

So the next time you want to take your spouse out for that special evening on the town, but just don't have the $100 to justify it, sleep well in the knowledge that a pimp in Detroit is able to get 9 free phones, with your money. Sucker.

Zzzzzzzzz.........

Obama - the most transparent Presidency Ever!

In the spirit of the most transparent Presidency ever - I mean, because he said so, I have examined our leaders' background so that we as voters can be informed. I probably am stepping all over the toes of the professional media / journalists whose job it is to track these things down. I apologize in advance.

Let's get transparent about Obama shall we?

Occidental College Records - sealed
Columbia College Records - sealed
Columbia Thesis Papers - sealed
Harvard College Records - sealed
Selective Service Registration - sealed
Medical Records - sealed
Illinois State Senate Attendance Records - sealed
Illinois State Senate Records - sealed
Law Practice Client List - sealed
Certified Copy of Original Birth Certificate - sealed
Signed Embossed Certificate of Live Birth - sealed
Baptism Record - sealed
Reasons Michelle Obama can no longer practice law - sealed
Reasons Michelle Obama has 22 assistants and other first ladies have one - sealed
"Foreign Student Aid" Records - sealed
Name of Country Passport used to visit Pakistan in 1981 - sealed

Ah yes, I can see it now...well, no, we actually can't. I'm sure there is nothing there. Move along knuckle draggers, move along....

Fisker Karma - is a bitch

Who doesn't believe in karma after this?

The Fisker Karma is a plug-in hybrid car that seems to have everything the rich and famous — and environmentally correct — look for in a set of wheels. Sleek silhouette? Check. Green cred? Check. Six-figure price tag? Check.

Does it work? Not so fast.

In a test conducted Wednesday by Consumer Reports magazine, the niche-market $107,850 sports car conked out completely, after a short ride at 65 miles per hour on a Connecticut test track.

“Our Fisker Karma … is super sleek, high-tech — and now it’s broken,” Consumer Reports wrote on its website late Thursday. “We have owned our car for just a few days; it has less than 200 miles on its odometer … We buy about 80 cars a year and this is the first time in memory that we have had a car that is undriveable before it has finished our check-in process.”

“It is a little disconcerting that you pay that amount of money for a car and it lasts basically 180 miles before going wrong,” Consumer Reports said. The company plans to build a sedan at a former General Motors plant in Delaware, which it now owns. When Fisker opened that plant in 2009, Vice President Joe "Plugs" Biden credited ”a real commitment by this Administration, loans from the Department of Energy, and the creativity of U.S. companies.”

Energy Secretary Stephen Chu claimed, in the same press release, that the plant’s reopening was “proof positive that our efforts to create new jobs, invest in a clean energy economy and reduce carbon pollution are working.” Secretary Chu is the Obama adminstration's green loan czar, personally overseeing hand-outs in the billions of dollars to Obama supporters, Democratic party faitful and green pretenders and hangers on.

In September 2009, Chu announced a $528.7 million loan guarantee for Fisker, specifically to develop its two plug-in hybrid cars. The Obama administration said at the time that $359 million of that loan would help reopen the Delaware factory.

The White House also announced in 2009 that Fisker “estimates it will build 75,000-100,000 of these highly efficient vehicles every year by 2014.”

Fisker has sold just over 400 of the Finland-built Karma cars to date.

Last month, with the memory of the Solyndra loan-guarantee scandal still fresh, the U.S. government froze Fisker’s access to further loan funds, citing the company’s failure to meet intermediate milestones. “They won’t release any more money, given where they’re at with the programs,” company spokesman Roger Ormisher told Bloomberg News on Feb. 7

Tesla Motors, another electric-car pioneer whose cars sell for in excess of $120,000 and whose main investors include bazillionaire Google co-founders Larry Page and Sergey Brin and mega-billionaire PayPal co-founder Elon Musk, also received a $465 million government loan guarantees. Not that they needed the governnment's (read: yours and mine) money, but as Democratic supporters, if the glass is half full, get a bigger glass!

Anyways - it is indeed disheartening to read this stuff, and to see unemployment actually increasing and still have Obama's poll numbers holding their own. Perhaps it is time for KC to stick his hand out, like everybody else?

Nah, KC has more self respect than that.

Welfare Fraud - how to maximize your benefits

Amanda Clayton hit the jackpot in the "Make Me Rich!" lottery show in October and, after electing to take a lump sum of $700,000 and allowing for taxes, was left with about $500,000.

The 24-year-old, who is unemployed, said she continued to receive public assistance. "I thought that they would cut me off, but since they didn't, I thought, maybe it was OK because I'm not working," Clayton said. "It's hard. I am struggling."

She added, "I feel that it's okay because I mean, I have no income and I have bills to pay. I have two houses."

But the Michigan Department of Human Services (DHS) said Wednesday that the woman was no longer receiving benefits and warned that people who continued to receive handouts in such circumstances may face criminal investigation and be required to pay back those benefits.

"Under DHS policy, a recipient of assistance benefits must notify the state within 10 days of any asset or income change. DHS relies on clients being forthcoming about their actual financial status," DHS director Maura Corrigan said.

"Michigan DHS does not currently have the ability to verify a person's lottery winnings in determining benefit eligibility, but bills pending in the state legislature would require the Michigan Lottery to notify the welfare department of winners.

"We fully support this proposed change. Our Office of Inspector General will continue to vigorously pursue any and all abuse and fraud in the welfare system."

+++++++++

You gotta love it! There are two points to take away from this:

 1. Welfare victims think they are entitled to support regardless of who has to pay for it, or how long they have to pay. The they we "owe" it to them, and can't see right from wrong.

 2. The "Inspector General" does no inspecting at all, and simply relies on the "good intentions" of the welfare victims to pay back the money they stole, or to notify (fat freaking chance) the department if they are getting money not due them. The office should be renamed Non-Inspecting Inspector General. 

I was somewhat sympathetic to the pleas of some unemployment victims who may be forced to get drug testing prior to receiving benefits, but I think that sympathy has gone out the window - courtesty of one Amanda Clayton.

These victims, for the most part, are stealing from the rest of us, or making us pay for their poor life choices (a la Ms. Fluke!).

Have you feed your welfare victim today? Lord knows I have. And they are eating steak.

Electric Cars Suck

It is indeed interesting to listen to the wind up greenie weenies talk about how their "investment" in electric cars spurs on greater research into new battery technology and new technology in general.

It is the non-sensical equivalent of saying "I bought a new TV today so that the TV buyer of tomorrow has a better picture".

Remember the good old days when you bought a real car and then after 5 years traded it in on a new one? You got a good resale value because someone else could drive your old one, and with minimal investment could keep it running for another 15 years?

Now remember the first computer you bought. Remember using it for three years then trading it in on a new one? You don't remember that? That is because it didn't happen. The technology advances were so substantial that your old computer was worthless after three years. Nobody wants old technology when the newer technology is better, faster and cheaper.

Just like electric cars.

Your $30,000 plus investment will be worthless in 5 years and have no trade in value. The batteries will have been destroyed and render the whole thing useless. Just like my $30 electric drill. Cheaper to throw it away than to get new batteries.

Electric vehicles won't sell because there is no secondary market for used ones. Electric vehicles don't sell because they are too expensive. Electric vehicles don't sell because today's battery technology doesn't allow you to get to work without running out of juice.

If you buy today, you waste your money so someone else can have better technology tomorrow.

Like the joke sign in the bar says: "Free Beer Tomorrow!"

Except for electric vehicles, tomorrow never comes.

Chevy Volt causes Hippies to Cry

General Motors will suspend Chevrolet Volt production from March 19th to April 23rd in order to bring supply of the plug-in hybrid car in line with demand, according to the Detroit Free Press.

Apparently the demand is zero - because of the last 7 out of 10 weeks, no Volts have been manufactured.

Chevrolet sold 1,023 Volts in February 2012, which up from 603 in January, but far from the 60,000-unit annual output originally planned for when the car was launched in December, 2010.

Less than 8,000 Volts were sold in all of 2011 - with more than half of them being sold to government agencies. Industry estimates are that it costs $250,000 in government subsidies and rebates to move each Volt off the lot, with dealers reporting being forced to put the units on the lot despite no sales and no interest.

GM spokesperson Chris Lee told the newspaper that 1,300 employees at the Hamtramck, Michigan, assembly plant where the Volt is built would be temporarily laid off during the production freeze.

Volt production was also halted for several weeks from late December until February 6th to reengineer the car to address fire concerns raised during government crash testing.

There you have it - the greenie weenie agenda once again fails when faced with the reality of the consuming public. Despite massive government intervention, relentless green agenda propaganda, desperate legislational agendas and simple economic principles, the green vehicle, green re-cycling, green energy, green home, green underwear, green environment etc. etc. etc. movement won't work.

You cannot make rational people do dumb things for very long - because eventually they figure it out. The greens never will.

Wanna buy a Volt?

Obama's 2012 Loss - the Math behind the defeat...

If you begin to look at the chance of Obama losing in 2012, the electoral math is daunting.


Let's begin with the 2008 results adjusted for the post-Census re-districting. I think even the most rabid of left leaners would agree that this is a baseline and that the chances that Obama will win MORE electoral votes than he did three years ago is zero.  No results, bad job, bad economy with anemic recovery that nobody feels is a recovery. Millions still unemployed, union friends compensated for Solyndra, GM and over 2100 health care "exemptions".


Then we'll begin with what I think are fairly obvious adjustments -- we'll give the Republicans back the electoral votes they lost in Nebraska along with Indiana, North Carolina, and Virginia -- traditionally Republican states that Obama carried last time through a special magic the like of which we are not likely to see again. Not the usual Chicago dead people voting magic, magic none the less.


Let's work from that base of 219 electoral votes and assume that the following states are potential battlegrounds in 2012: Washington, Oregon, Nevada, Colorado, New Mexico, Minnesota, Iowa, Wisconsin, Michigan, Ohio, Pennsylvania, New Hampshire, and Florida. We'll throw in Maine and New Jersey as stretch states as well just to be conservative. Sorry for the pun.


This gives the Republican nominee an almost unlimited number of paths to the White House.


Perhaps the most obvious one, in that it resembles the 2000 and 2004 battlegrounds most heavily, is that a Republican could win by just by taking just Florida, Ohio, and Nevada from that list of states.


Or,  the Repubicans could just tie it -- and win in a Republican-controlled House -- simply by taking Ohio, Michigan, and Wisconsin from the rust belt and only Nevada in the West.


Alternatively, they could win without taking a single rust-belt state by winning in Nevada, New Mexico, Colorado, Florida, and New Hampshire. This outcome seems like a real possibility given Florida's now rabid distate for President Zero, and Nevada's growing dislike of Senator Reid.


Another odd-looking way of doing it would be to take Pennsylvania, Ohio, Nevada, and Oregon, although Ohio looks a little floppy given their propensity of voting for candidates with the most handouts.


In any event, working from this base, Obama has to take 2/3 of the electoral votes in battleground states this time around to get the job done.


And there is not enough Acorn left to plant a tree that big.

The Obama Family Problem

Okay Michelle, this conversation isn't going to be easy, but I think it is time that we put a little fiscal responsibility into the Obama household. After getting denied that car loan because of our credit situation - we have got to do something. So here are the numbers.


Last year as a family we made $108,500. Pretty good - all of those community organizing events that I put on are starting to pay off. But here's where it gets scary Michelle - together, the 4 of us SPENT $191,100 for the year.


Holy crap. I mean really? Holy crap! That amount of $82,600 we overspent put our total debit at $713,550 for a family. Holy crap, that's all I can say.


Now, I know that you are a good housekeeper and all, and the coupon clipping has really helped out but that total was only $1,925. I mean, it isn't a drop in the bucket.


Now, I can try and get more Black Panthers to intimidate voters and all - heck I might even ask my rich uncle to donate some money for an advance on the new book I'm writing. But heckfire Michelle, we have got to get the spending under control around here, or we're going to be in big trouble. Dang it  -  we ARE in big trouble. Earning 15 or 20% more by taking money from my rich relatives isn't going to make a lot of difference.


And no, Michelle just stopping the "discretionary spending" isn't going to help. That's pocket change. I mean it's good and all, but that isn't going to get this under control.


We've got to get to the meat of this and cut off the things that we signed up for that we have to pay every month - I mean, less giving to our poor neighbors who won't work, no more paying for your niece's 5th baby, and stopping sending money to that guy in Idaho so he won't make any more Obama Chia-pets. We just don't have the money for it any more, and giving all these hangers on a "hand up" has turned into a "hand out". Enough is enough Michelle - we're cutting all these losers off right now.


Okay, okay, stop the crying - it isn't all your fault. We both spent our way into this, and there is no spending our way out of it. Your lazy relatives will be motivated to find work once we stop giving them handouts, and my rich uncle says he has enough money to start a new business or two if we stop taking from him, so everyone will get taken care of.


Michelle - sometimes a real man has got to do what a real man has got to do. It may be tough now, but it's the best for all our futures.


Whats that?


No, you can't give your brother money so that he will like you again. Are you even listening to me?


Fercrisakes!