Obama - The Achievement Presidency

I'm tired of American's bashing Obama for lack of achievement and being President Zero. Nothing can be further from the truth! Take a look at these impressive accomplishments:
 

• First President to apply for college aid as a foreign student, then deny he was a foreigner.
• First President to have a social security number from a state he has never lived in.
• First President to preside over a cut to the credit-rating of the United States .
• First President to violate the War Powers Act.
• First President to be held in contempt of court for illegally obstructing oil drilling in the Gulf of Mexico.
• First President to require all Americans to purchase a product from a third party.
• First President to spend a trillion dollars on “shovel-ready” jobs when there was no such thing as “shovel-ready” jobs, and then joke about it.
• First President to abrogate bankruptcy law to turn over control of companies to his union supporters in return for votes.
• First President to by-pass Congress and implement the Dream Act through executive fiat.
• First President to order a secret amnesty program that stopped the deportation of illegal immigrants across the U.S. – including those with criminal convictions.
• First President to tell a CEO of a major corporation (Chrysler) to resign.
• First President to terminate America's ability to put a man in space.
• First President to cancel the National Day of Prayer and to say that America is no longer a Christian nation.
• First President to have a law signed by an auto-pen without being present.
• First President to break 200 rounds of golf while in office.
• First President to arbitrarily declare an existing law unconstitutional and refuse to enforce it.
• First President to threaten insurance companies if they publicly spoke out on the reasons for their rate increases.
• First President to tell a major manufacturing company in which state it is allowed to locate a factory.
• First President to admit "inhaling" - both weed and a little blow.
• First President to file lawsuits against the states he swore an oath to protect (AZ, WI, OH, IN).
• First President to withdraw an existing coal permit that had been properly issued years ago.
• First President to actively try to bankrupt an American industry (coal), and say so.
• First President to fire an inspector general of AmeriCorps for catching one of his friends in a corruption case.
• First President to appoint 45 czars to replace elected officials in his office.
• First President to hide his medical, educational and travel records.
• First President to win a Nobel Peace Prize for doing NOTHING to earn it.
• First President to go on multiple “global apology tours” and concurrent “insult our friends” tours.
• First President to go on more than 17 lavish vacations, including date nights and Wednesday evening White House parties for his friends paid for by the taxpayers.
• First President to have 22 personal servants (taxpayer funded) for his wife.
• First President to keep a dog trainer on retainer for $102,000 a year at taxpayer expense.
• First President to fly in a personal trainer from Chicago at least once a week at taxpayer expense.
• First President to tell the military men and women that they should pay for their own private insurance because they “volunteered to go to war and knew the consequences.”
• First President to crack 12 Trillion in debt
• First President to crack 13 Trillion in debt
• First President to crack 14 Trillion in debt
• First President to crack 15 Trillion in debt
• First President to crack 16 Trillion in debt
• First President to crack 17 Trillion in debt
• First President to crack 18 Trillion in debt

Pretty impressive I must say, let's stop the idle chatter and really pull out the stops to see what the next 3 years will get us!

The 5 signs of an Impending Business Apocalypse

KC has spent much of his adult life in business. At large firms, some with 10's of thousands of employees. He has been a consultant, an entrepreneur (Yes, I did build it, and you can't have any of it for your low life friends Mr. President) and a paid slave. Big firms, small firms, national, local and international - KC has seen it all. And he took notes.

So for all of you out there that are just starting in business, let KC give you some pithy obeservations so you too can recognize when your employer is starting the big swirling circle around the porcelain bowl of business.

I present to you - the 5 signs of Impending Business Apocalypse - in their order of occurrence.

1. Everything is the single most important thing we can do.

You know a company has started the journey to Flushville when the management cannot articulate what are the goals of the company. More frighteningly - because they can't articulate the goals, they say EVERYTHING is the goal. Raise revenue, cut costs, expand, contract, focus, broaden, more customers, fire customers, stop projects, start projects. Everything is the single most important thing we can do - and we have to do it all NOW.

2. Enforce the Rules

Now, as I said, these occur in order. Once management sees the non-results of their ill-sown strategy of "Pursue Everything and Nothing At the Same Time" they then reach the conclusion that it isn't leadership, and it isn't the strategy that is failing the company, it is the people. And people are bad. So in order to get the people in line, we're going to enforce the rules. 15 minutes extra for lunch? That's gonna cost ya. Paid vacations? How bout not. Remove benefits, slash compensation, change the rules. KC once had a boss tell him that commissions "irrespective of performance, were discretionary". Huh? You paying me what you bargained for is "discretionary"? The worst part of this impending sign is that the employees haven't done anything wrong. Yet. But enforcing the rules at this time ensures the good ones leave, and the bad ones stay. And oh, do they stay with a vengeance. Which leads us to tenet #3.

3. Employees Get Payback

Without trust, management is worthless. Think of the fragging incidents in Vietman. Ok, Lieutenant Dan, you want to be a wise guy eh? How bout we roll an M67 under your bunk. Problem solved (actually I think they used MKIIs in Nam - but point made) . Now, employees today don't come heavily armed (well, except for the post office) but they can do just as much damage. Extra long lunch hours, moonlighting, half cooked project delivery, re-work, no-work. Best story I ever heard regarding an employee fragging incident came from a friend of mine that was a comptroller at a large convenience store chain. Every Christmas, the chain leaned on it's suppliers and offered their long term, full timers a bottle of liquor for Christmas. One bean counter decided that the 20,000 bottle bonus (most of which was comped by a supplier anyways) cost the company too much, so three weeks before xmas they cancelled it. You guessed it. Total incremental bottle pilferage over the season amount to 50,000 bottles. Hold spoon, pull pin, assess cover, lob weapon. Sorry, Lt. Dan.

4. Cats Sleeping with Dogs

Again - these are situations and generalitites KC has seen over many years of business, but he holds these truths to be self evident. Once the E-ticket swirly ride has begun, people do some strange things. Trapped on a ride they can't get off of, they hold on for dear life - and hold on to each other. And I mean literally. Affairs, trysts, indiscretions and misogyny abound, and not the normal 20 something activity on the weekeds from the mail room staff - I mean full on, scratch your head what were they thinking escapades. CEO doing the Fed Ex delivery guy? Seen it. Head of HR in a lesbian affair with the married head of IT? Yup. Call center supervisors having late night orgies in a break room. Got pictures. The shocking thing about #4 is not that it is happening, because we're all humans, but the depravity of how it happens. The end is near. Read on.

5. Physical or Verbal Violence in the Workplace

By now, all the good people are gone. If you are still there, you aren't one of the good ones - or you are the most masochistic of employees! You are just waiting for the "Andy Barnard" moment. Someone is going to snap, and you know it. This is the culmination - the pinnacle of corporate underachievement, and like a storm brewing, you can feel it coming. You can taste it in the air and your can feel it on your skin. Someone is going to pop someone. This is going to be good.

One note though - the incident is never triggered by what you think (someone getting a bad review, or someone firing someone) it is always petty. Ed takes last of coffee and doesn't make any more. BAM!
Sally calls Louise a whore becuase she used a lot of lipstick. WHACK! You took my favorite parking spot in the otherwise empty parking lot. HYAAH.

This is the end, and the business can never be repaired, these incidents are the symbolic flames that burn up everything and leave nothing but ashes. It's over, and mercifully so. At this point even the worst employees leave, and even the doltish of management throw in the towel.


Requiem.

There you are. Cold in it's reality, stark in it's application. Nobody's fault - employees, management, investors, and suppliers all go down together on the SS Swirly, everybody is a loser. Save yourself. Your only hope is to recognize the signs and get out early.

I'd love to hear your stories to add to mine. Got any more signs of the apocalypse. Please share, for the good of all mankind