One of the funniest scenes in one of the funniest movies of all time (Groundhog Day) is when Bill Murray decides to kill himself and groundhog Punxsutawney Phil, whom he blames for his being forced to relive the same day over and over. As they approach an obviously fatal cliff dive, Murray admonishes the rodent (who now appears to be driving the truck) with the words "Don’t' drive angry! Don't drive angry!"
While it may be funny in the movies - being angry in an email doesn't have the same visual effect as the movies. The receiver can't see your body language or estimate your tone. They can't even predict when you will read it (hopefully not at the wheel of a speeding truck!) - so considering how to respond to such emails (we've all received 'em, and we've all sent 'em) is the difference between appearing professional or just plain petty (I love alliterations!)
Some advice that I thought is helpful:
How to reply to an angry email
· Step away from the computer. An angry email will usually trigger your own anger and cause you to act irrationally. Take a deep breath and walk away from the situation until you feel you can look at it objectively. Never reply to the email right away. You don't want to send your own outraged response and make the situation escalate. Remember that the best way to respond is to try to diffuse the situation, not make it worse.
· Identify what's true in the email. Does the writer have a reason to be mad? Did you do or say anything that legitimately offended him? It's important to be objective and not jump on the defensive when reading. Figure out why he's angry and how much of it is justified.
· Evaluate what the writer got wrong. Did he misinterpret a letter you wrote or get the wrong information? Is she responding to a rumor? Are they both overreacting to a real problem and lashing out at you, even though you are innocent in the matter?
· put yourself in the writer's shoes. Imagine if you were working from the facts she has or thinks she has. How would you feel? What kind of response would you be hoping for? Often looking at the email from the writer's point of view can help diffuse the situation for you. Wouldn't you be angry if something you ordered never arrived? Wouldn't you be upset if you heard your friend lied to you about something important? Even if you think the person is wrong, or has questionable motives, putting yourself in her place will help you better understand where she's coming from and the best way to respond.
· verify all the facts and fix what you can before writing back. If a client at work is upset about not receiving a shipment, then find out what happened to it, and how quickly you can get the material there. If you were supposed to get fitted for a bridesmaid dress weeks ago and kept putting it off, then call the store and make an appointment. Being able to state in your reply that you've already taken action will go a long way to helping you resolve the issue with your client or friend.
· Begin your reply with the positives. Tell the person what he was right about and how you understand why he was upset. Tell him what you've done to fix the situation. Apologize, if necessary.
· once you've softened him up with the positives, ease into telling him where he was wrong. Don't get emotional or confrontational. Don't stoop to name-calling or sarcasm, even if he did in his letter. Try to be as neutral as possible so he won't have any reason to react negatively.
· State your side of the issue. If it was a misunderstanding on his part, try to interject that you understand why he thought what he did. There's no sense making someone feel stupid if it was an innocent mistake. Your friend may be extra sensitive because he's going through a divorce or another friend has been lying to him. Consider where the person is coming from even as you're correcting his mistaken impressions.
· be respectful and courteous in your email. Even if the writer didn't show you the same respect, don't take the bait. It's not a competition to see who "wins" by being the most obnoxious. Taking the high road will help you maintain a good reputation and it's particularly important in a work environment where you have to consider relationships with clients and your place in the company.
· Remember there's a person on the other end of that email. Don't make the same mistake she might have made by firing off a letter without thinking first. Think about how permanent emails really are--they can be printed out, shared with others, saved on hard drives for years. Make sure you're prepared to stand by all of those words and don't write anything you think you might regret later.
· Care for the sender - they are probably not as bad as you think. They may be having a bad day or a something else has upset them. Send them a copy of this note - it might help, and might help them in the future. Tell them that they matter and are important to you - and that in 3 days this current issue won't seem as big as it does now if you both work together on it.
You know, I'm going to get some ice cream. Eric Medlen (late funny car driver) once said "hey - I've never seen anybody mad or crying when eating ice cream". Ice cream may be the best cure-all there is for a bad email - and it buys you some time.
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