Liberal Tears Flood Canada

The flood of American liberals sneaking across the border into Canada has intensified in the past week, sparking calls for increased patrols to stop the illegal immigration. The Republican Presidential primary campaign is prompting an exodus among left leaning citizens who fear they'll soon be required to hunt, pray, and live according to the Constitution.

Canadian border farmers say it's not uncommon to see dozens of sociology professors, global warming activists, and "green" energy proponents crossing their fields at night.

"I went out to milk the cows the other day, and there was a Hollywood producer huddled in the barn," said Southern Manitoba farmer Red Greenfield, whose acreage borders North Dakota . “The producer was cold, exhausted and hungry. He asked me if I could spare a latte and some free-range chicken. When I said I didn't have any, he left before I even got a chance to show him my screenplay, eh?"

In an effort to stop the illegal aliens, Greenfield erected higher fences, but the liberals scaled them. He then installed loudspeakers that blared Rush Limbaugh across the fields, but they just keep coming.

Officials are particularly concerned about smugglers called "Ubers" who meet liberals near the Canadian border, pack them into electric cars and drive them across the border where they are simply left to fend for themselves after the battery dies.

"A lot of these people are not prepared for our rugged conditions," an Ontario border patrolman said. "I found one carload without a single bottle of Voss drinking water. They did have a nice little Napa Valley Cabernet, though, and some kale chips."

When liberals are caught, they're sent back across the border, often wailing loudly that they fear retribution from conservatives. Rumors have been circulating about plans being made to build re-education camps where liberals will be forced to drink domestic beer, study the Constitution and work for a living.

In recent days, liberals have turned to ingenious ways of crossing the border. Some have been disguised as senior citizens taking a bus trip to buy cheap Canadian prescription drugs. After catching a half- dozen young vegans in blue-hair wig disguises, Canadian immigration authorities began stopping buses and quizzing the supposed senior citizens about Perry Como and Rosemary Clooney to prove that they were alive in the '50s. "If they can't identify the accordion player on The Lawrence Welk Show, we become very suspicious about their age," an official said.

Canadian citizens have complained that the illegal immigrants are creating an organic-broccoli shortage, buying up all the Barbara Streisand c.d.'s, and renting all the Michael Moore movies. "I really feel sorry for American liberals, but the Canadian economy just can't support them," an Ottawa resident said. "How many art-history majors does one country need?"

Canadian High School enters the International Administrator Duh-Lympics!

Here's a short blurb from the Great White North for you all. While I often think that the US (my adopted homeland) holds a monopoly on socialist school teachers, clueless goverment automatons and irrational politicians, it would seem that my birth country of Canada is picking up steam when it comes to fostering idiotism as a profession.

Ross Sheppard High School in Edmonton Canada (famous alma mater includes absolutely nobody) has disciplined a teacher for awarding a grade of zero to a student that did nothing. This teacher, with 35 years under his belt, and is well liked by all - threw in the towel, accepted the suspension and decided to retire rather than suffer the ignominy of dealing with the mental atoms on the school board any longer.

"Students should be accountable. That's against what I've been doing my whole career because I believe the student should be accountable for what they're doing." Dorval said he always gave uncompleted work what is called "reluctant  zeros," where his students were given a number of opportunities to make  up the assignment and have the zero replaced with a mark. "Most of my students did that," he said. "By the end of the year, I hardly had any zeros at all."Asked why the school board would encourage teachers to make up marks in order to pass students, Dorval stated, "It's what they call social promotion. It's a way of pushing kids through even though they're not actually doing the work. It's a way of getting them through, getting their credits and of course making the staff look very good."  Teachers were instructed to use their "informed professional judgement" at the end of the year when handing out marks, he said.

Student reaction to suspension was as predicted:

"He shouldn't even be teaching anymore. If he wants to hand out zeros, he should be doing some other job — not a teacher."

—Ryan Grouette, Grade 10

"If students show up they deserve a minimum mark. A zero seems a bit extreme."

—Cindy Smith, Grade 11

Here's where KC brings it all home for you - my sort of "Jerry Springer" sums it all up in one minute vignette.

Cindy, Ryan - I've got news for you, you precious little snowflakes. Your parents lied to you. The school and all your teachers lied to you - with the exception of Mr. Dorval. The real world will give you a zero every frigging day of your life, and will do so with relish. With glee. There are 500 million kids in third world countries that will paint a giant, flourescent "0" on your ass everyday. With relish. With glee.

In the real world - there are no "participation awards" or "I came to work so I should be paid bonuses". If you just show up to work, you don't get paid. You get fired. If you show up to work and work hard and contribute, and create wealth, you get paid, and eventually bonused. Or you go somewhere else, or you start your own business.

I am an executive in a financial services company. And let me assure you, you precious little snowflakes, all unique and special - I hand out zeros everyday. Because I have to, so that I don't get a zero. And that's how it works. And if you don't understand that, and your parents can't get you to understand that - start barista training immediately. But seriously - even Tim Horton's hands out zeros.

Mr. Dorval has been sacrificed. He can do no more good for you two imbeciles, or for any other kid for that matter. Teachers with the honor, courage, intellect and comportment to teach these days are a rare breed, and there are very few left. In fact, the rolls have shrunk by one.

The teacher unions encourage these low standards in order to get paid for work they haven't done - essentially fleecing the taxpayer by providing shoddy goods and services.

Hard working Canadians that fill up their lunch box and go to work everyday to avoid getting a zero should speak up. Before the world teaches your kids what a zero really is.

Game on.


To read the sad story:

http://edmonton.ctv.ca/servlet/an/local/CTVNews/20120531/edm_zero_120531/20120531/?hub=EdmontonHome#.T8f5ELC97pg.mailto

To malign the school's chief opponent of zeros, write here:

ron.bradley@epsb.ca

Why I left Canada - Pizza, Taxes and Socialism

KC went shopping with the mother in law from Canada today. At the grocery store she saw the prices and fainted. After reviving her she stated that categorically every food item in the US was at least 1/2 the price it was in Canada. Milk at a grocery in the US? $1.88. In Canada? $4.99.

So I decided to do a little investigatin' and a lot of calculatin' and some assumpteratin'.

Western Pizza in good old Regina (hold the beaver jokes) Saskatchewan, Canada (pop 185,000) charges an astonishing, mind bending, delirious price of  $51.95 for an 18 inch all-dressed pizza. In addition to that - they have the rock-hard, diamond encrusted, brass coated stones to charge a $5.00 delivery charge for AAANNNYYYY pizza - not just the largest one. This makes the cost of an 18" pizza a mind numbing $56.95. Add in the generous gov't taxes to fund the working poor's adventures in life and you are out $65.50 for a pie.  A 14" "large"? That will set you back $35.95 with delivery. Over $40 with taxes. Want to see the evidence?

In the good ole' USA (capitalistic, exploit the working man USA) the same pizza would cost $21.00 at Bill's Pizza in Prescott Arizona (pop 90,000 if you count the sheep!) and you would get free delivery. For the record, the closest homes in Prescott are further from the pizza store than the farthest in Regina. And the taxes are 7%. Total cost? $22.47.

A 14" pizza, with everything, delivered in Phoenix regularly costs under $14.00. $15 with taxes.
And don't think I forgot about tipping - despite the fact Canadians never tip a delivery guy - I just negated it from both sides of the equation.

Here's where it gets good. My personal tax rate in the US is 20% lower than it is in Canada. Ergo to purchase that pie in Canada would cost me an additional 15-20% in gross pay to get the job done. Using an 18% rounding I come up with $77.29 in equivalent earnings to buy that Western Pizza dough-sicle. Lastly the US dollar is worth about 3% more than Canada, meaning all things being equal - that pie cost my Canuck bretheren about $74.97 in US funds.

Give or take - that pie is 343% more expensive in the Great White North.

Who wants a slice of that "free" health care? I'll get it with extra cheese for ya.

Part II - KC writes Western Pizza corporate head office with his cogent analysis.....

Nemo Me Impune Lacessit - The Black Watch

My grandfather Albert Edward Martell was a member of this famous battalion - the Black Watch of Scotland. Originally formed in the 1700's - the regiment was named because of the very dark tartan cloth they wore, and that their initial mission was to protect the Scottish highlands. The latin phrase above translates from the original Scottish as "No one harms me with impunity" and up until 1940 the regiment wore kilts into battle - earning them the nickname from German soldiers in WWI as the "The old ladies from hell". To other regiments, they are known as the Black Jocks.

Ian Fleming (yes the James Bond Ian Fleming) was a member of the Black Watch, and served at the same time as my grandfather did. The Black Watch fought in every major engagement of both WWI and WWII and Korea, as well as Iraq and Afghanistan, where they have served alongside American troops with much distinction.

In fact the "battle colours" that have been awarded to the regiment are so numerous (339) that they cannot be displayed properly anymore in parades, and  only 36 are presented at any one time. Battle colours are pennants that name the specific battles a regiment has fought in and are treated with such respect that it is the sworn duty of one of the regiment members to destroy the colors if they ever risk falling into enemy hands, even if it means losing his own life.

The Black Watch had a tradition of "fighting to the death" rather than risk battle loss or capture. The "fight to the death" saying is often used tritely today, but the Black Watch meant it, and still means it. In the WWII battle of Verrieres Ridge, 325 regiment members fought against Waffen SS tank units, and only 10 members made it back to friendly lines. In the Battle of Hoogerheide, all 4 regimental commanders were killed, as Black Watch officers lead from the front lines. One company of  90 men had only 4 survivors after the battle, having fought conitnuously for 72 hours without reinforcement. German dead from the battle were estimated to be between 600 and 1,000.

Today - the unit in Britain has been combined into other units, but the members still wear the "red hackle" with pride. If you have a moment or two check out http://www.blackwatchcanada.com/ or the really great book on the subject - "Canada's Black Watch" by Paul Hutchinson.