Democratic party spin on job creation

In listening to the Obama spin doctors tell me that the rise in unemployment from 8.2% to 8.3% is "good news" I thought that I would help out by proposing my own round of job stimulus ideas to assist the Dimocratic party:

• Free education. As much as anyone wants. The world can't have too many Ph.D.'s in “Multicultural Interpretive Puppetry Arts!”
•  Full employment. Everyone gets a job. A government job. With a union. That way, "work" won't require...you know, actual "WORK."
• Raise the minimum wage to $250 an hour. That way, EVERYBODY can be rich. Yay, us!
• Reduce the workweek. 40 hours a week is just too much. Mondays? Ugh. People shouldn't have to get up that early. Try 22 hours. After all, daytime TV won’t watch itself!
• Reduce the retirement age. France is proposing 60 years as the cutoff. In Greece, the average is 57. They suck. We are Americans. We can do better. Reduce it to 29.
• Kiss-a-thons at Chik-Fil-A count as work towards your welfare entitlement
• Reparation payments for people that were forced, over the course of their lifetimes to work for "the man."
• Tax dead people. Exemptions will be granted for dead people that vote Dumocrat.