What we have here is a failure to hydrate...

This is the true part:

Cops in Midway Georgia shut down kids lemonade stand today. 3 girls trying to raise funds to go to a local waterpark without having to ask their parents for the money we told by cops to shut down after it was determined that they didn't have a $180 business permit, and that their location had not been inspected by the Georgia Department of Health.

This isn't:

It was later decided by the aspiring crooks that only fools worked and get hassled by "the man" so they was gonna tip up all in the face of all the playa haters and do some real crimes. Later that morning they entered a used car lot to hit a lick. One of them pinned a salesman to the wall and shouted "we be here to jack this shit" while her accomplices retrieved the keys to a new Ford from the whimpering man's pockets. They left the car lot and headed east towards WaterWorld. Screeching to a halt, the hoodlums jumbped the turnstiles, and paused only long enough to mug at the security staff and flip them off before they disappeared into the park.

This is:

Must be a slow crime day down there in Midway, Gowjiah. Ain't that right skeeter?